What should I say when someone isn’t musically gifted enough to join the worship team?
(Transcript)
Question:
I feel like through the years, I have needed to have plenty of hard conversations with musicians and vocalists about why they either aren't included on a team or why they aren't asked to lead songs. When it comes to moral issues, this is much easier, but when it comes to skill or musicianship, it gets much harder.
How do you handle these conversations? What are some examples of things that you say?
Answer:
The Reality of Difficult Conversations in Ministry
Well, this is definitely something we encounter as worship pastors. At my church, I've been here on staff for almost 13 years, and yes, these things come up. I've found that there are really three quick things that I'll tell you that you should keep in mind when you're having to navigate this sort of thing. And those three things are to speak with honesty, to create the right expectations in your worship ministry, and also to give opportunity for these people that maybe don't fit the leadership tier one of your team.
Speaking with Honesty and Love
There's a proverb that says, Proverbs 27:6, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted."
I think that the first step in any of these conversations is: do you have a relationship with this person? Have you actually pastored them? Do you know them as a person, or are they just trying out?
We need to speak with honesty in these type of situations. I don't think we need to be that parent that's telling their kid they can do anything and everything when really they are not gifted in that area.
So, speaking with honesty and truth and love, I think, goes a long way.
Don't do this over text, don't do this over email. I would say go out to coffee with them, sit down, and have this conversation.
Setting Clear Expectations and Values
The second part of that is setting expectations for what you're looking for in your group. What do you value as a worship ministry? In our worship ministry here at Central, our purpose is that we want to lead worship with excellence, authenticity, while creating biblical avenues for people to worship Jesus. You can steal that if you want to. I'm pretty sure I stole it from someone else.
But that idea of excellence, I would talk to this person about how that's just one of our core values as a worship ministry. We're not saying that excellence equals perfection, but you know, we're trying to do what Psalm 33:3 says, to "play skillfully for the Lord." We see other examples in the Bible of that, how David even was a great harpist.
You know, maybe talking to this person about, "You know, what, I just don't think that skill-wise you're quite there yet to either do that solo or to lead this song."
And if they push back on that, I mean, you can go as far as, "Hey, let's look at these last few live streams. Let's look at this audition tape that we recorded, and let's, I just want to coach you just a little bit because you know I care about you and I care about our worship ministry."
Creating Opportunities for Growth and Service
That leads straight into the last thing that I would try to keep in mind is having an opportunity for those that aren't our top "A" team.
That may be being able to push them into a different pipeline, a different serving role where they could actually do some of those things and take on the leadership responsibilities. Whether that's leading a separate, maybe you have a senior adult service in your church that they could maybe serve in and really take on a leadership role, or a different team that leads in a different time.
So, it's not an easy conversation, and really, I can't say that I'm great at this. But those are things I'm trying to keep in mind as you encounter these situations.
Addressing Heart Issues and Misaligned Motivations
It seems like for me that when people have approached me with these kinds of feelings, that it sometimes can be a heart issue, and the desire to be in the spotlight can be there a little bit. And so, that almost makes me pause even more whenever people are approaching me about, "You know, why can't I ever get a solo?" That's not what it's about.
So, just reinforcing that, "Hey, this is not about us, and right now as a leader, I don't think that you're quite ready for that."
Hopefully that helps. Take it, use it, throw it in the trash, whatever you want to do with it. That's what I would say.
